Selfless (A Carolina Coastal Novel Book 1) Read online

  “Mom, don’t you think this is a bit much?” She’s dragging me into a lingerie store as if I’m going to give up my milk for free on the first night. It’s also plain unsettling to go shopping for sexy underwear with my mother.

  “If I were telling you to buy edible undies, that’d be a bit much. I’m not telling you to hop into bed with this stranger. Frankly, I hope you wait. But confidence is sexy and dressing sexy will boost your confidence. Got it?” Sometimes my mom sounds more like my best friend than the woman who birthed me.

  “Fine, but nothing see-through or edible or anything that will make my boobs sit at my chin.” We spend the next hour perusing the lingerie store, where my mom buys a few items herself, which makes me want to cut out my eyes.

  By the time we get home, we’ve spent an atrocious amount of money, have enough outfits to clothe a small country, and personally, I have more nerves than ever before.

  My hands are shaky as I hang up my new purchases in my closet. I can’t shake the anxiety and fear that once Maddox gets to know me, he won’t like me anymore.

  “I can hear you worrying in the hallway.” I lean back on my bed and my mom joins me, lying beside me on the mattress.

  “What if he doesn’t like me?”

  “Sweetheart, if he doesn’t like you, he’s blind and dumb.” A harsh laugh escapes me. “You know I have to say these sappy things. I’m your mother. But just because I’m your mother doesn’t make it true. He’s going to fall in love with you and whisk you away from me. I’ll become one step closer to the empty nest I’m dreading.” Her smile always reaches her eyes and it’s one of my favorite things about her. “I don’t expect him to be the one. You’re only eighteen. But he might be your first love. Or he might be a dud. Either way, enjoy the moment…and the free meal.”

  I laugh and we both sit up, so I hug her tight. There’s no love quite like a momma’s.

  “Get some rest. You have a big day tomorrow.” She closes my bedroom door behind her and I lie back down on my bed.

  Yeah, as if there’s any chance in hell I’m sleeping at all tonight.

  Three

  Carson

  “Mr. and Mrs. Fletcher, it’s my honor to meet you.” Maddox extends a hand first to my father before offering his hand to my mother. He brought two bouquets, one for me and one for my mom. Hers are yellow roses while mine are a combination of red and pink.

  “Wow, Carson, you look beautiful.” My skin heats from head to toe and I wish I weren’t so fair-skinned so he couldn’t see the effect he already has on me.

  Either Maddox is the most perfect man in the world or he’s a sociopathic serial killer. I should probably hug my family tight before I go.

  “Thank you. You look beautiful too. I mean, handsome. You look very handsome.” God, why do I have to be such an awkward freak?

  I hand my roses to my mom and ask her to put them in water before we go. After a tight hug, she holds me at my shoulders, assessing me.

  “See, I told you the sundress would be a hit. Have fun tonight, baby girl.” With a wink, she sends me on my way. A flutter of both excitement and nerves sits in my belly, so I press my hands there to calm myself.

  Maddox says goodbye to my parents, telling them about the restaurant he’s taking me to, but my blood is thrumming too loudly in my ears to hear anything they’re saying. I hope my dad isn’t threatening him with his shotgun or anything.

  As we walk out of my house, my nerves increase tenfold. How did people go on dates with strangers all throughout history? Growing up in the age of social media has ruined that innocent aspect. Now all I can think about is how likely it is that Maddox is a serial killer and what I can use in my clutch to fight back if need be.

  I hate dating today and maybe that’s part of the reason why I’ve never done it before. You meet someone and probably hook up with them before you start dating. Then you go through the awkward stages of ‘talking’ where you decide if you’re compatible, exclusive, or seeing other people. If you make the cut, then you date.

  No one is going out on dates and spending money to get to know someone anymore. That’s all spent in dirty bars or crowded house parties with rooms reserved for fucking. People aren’t worthy of having money spent on them until they’re exclusively and officially dating. It’s disheartening.

  I wish I lived in the twenties or the fifties where you’d go to a sock hop or a soda shoppe and I’d get to wear his pin if we were together. Old school dating should be timeless. This new age crap needs a makeover.

  For Maddox, though, it seems chivalry isn’t dead. He opens the passenger door of his black Honda for me to climb into and closes it behind me. As he jogs around the front of the car, I appreciate how good looking he is.

  His auburn hair is slicked to the side, styled and tamed for our date. A blue button-down shirt fits tight over his muscular arms and slim body and his khaki shorts fit him like a dream.

  When he climbs into the car, I get another whiff of his cologne. This guy looks and smells like he could be an Armani model. His looks are intimidating and I still don’t understand why he wants to go out with me.

  On the ride to the restaurant, we have the typical first date slash getting to know each other conversation. His major is Biology with the hopes of becoming an oncologist. He’s an only child and I tell him all about my nightmarish siblings.

  His favorite color is green and his favorite movie is Iron Man. We make plans to watch all of the Marvel movies in order. He has a yellow lab named Pancake that I’m dying to meet and works for his dad’s landscaping business during the summer, explaining his physique.

  The drive takes twenty-five minutes and we end up at an old school looking diner called The Retro Café. The butterflies wake up in my stomach and get excited at the prospect of going on an actual fifties-inspired date. It seems Maddox already knows me better than I thought.

  We walk into the diner and there’s a jukebox in the back corner and chalkboard menus on the wall. The booths are the classic bright red leather and there’s a small gumball machine on every table. I’m in heaven.

  We choose a booth near the back and the first thing I do is order a chocolate milkshake with a cherry on top and a plate of fries to dip into my shake.

  “You know, I’m not gonna lie, I’m a little disappointed.”

  I smirk because for the first time, I caught Maddox off guard and his cool guy façade fades.

  “What did I do? Do you not like the diner?” His face falls and I feel bad for the false ruse.

  “I love it here. I’m disappointed because you never gave me a fun fact today. I was waiting for you to give me one in class, but you didn’t.” Finally, his gorgeous smile returns.

  “I have to keep you on your toes. I can’t get all predictable on you, now can I? Don’t worry, I have one for you, but I’m saving it for the perfect moment.”

  We eat our meals and chat between bites. Everything is simple and easy, the way it should be. It’s as if I’ve known him my entire life and not a mere week.

  I’ve never been the person who believes in love at first sight. I’m far too skeptical to fall for the Hollywood bullshit concept that people can fall in love in that first moment. Lust at first sight, sure. But love? Impossible.

  Or so I thought.

  We leave the diner and head to the park by the Cape Fear River. We take a walk by the water, holding hands and falling.

  In like.

  In lust.

  In love.

  It’s crazy, but it’s true. This thing Maddox and I have is magnetic. I knew it from the moment he sat down and told me that weird fun fact about babies. There’s no denying what I feel for him.

  I’m not going to be that girl who tells the guy she’s in love with him on their first date. Talk about how to scare a man away. But that doesn’t stop the butterflies fluttering or the goosebumps shooting up my arm where his thumb rubs the back of my hand. It doesn’t stop me from imagining what we could be and where we’ll go from
here.

  We stop at a bench and sit, curled together, looking up at the stars. He’s gotten quiet, contemplative, and a slight frown pulls at the corner of his lips.

  “Is everything okay?”

  Please, don’t tell me I’ve been imaging the sparks between us. If he doesn’t like me, I’ll go right to the Dean’s office and transfer out of Psych 101 first thing Monday morning.

  “Yes, I just want everything to be perfect.”

  “It is.”

  “It’s not, yet.”

  He cradles my face in his hands and leans in. My eyes flutter closed as his lips touch mine. They’re soft and slow, but their connection makes me hungry and I’m acutely aware of what I’ve been missing the last eighteen years of my life.

  It’s not only my first kiss with Maddox, but my first kiss ever. The moment couldn’t be more perfect. By the water and under these stars, it’s our first step into what we will become. It’s not a moment I’ll ever forget.

  The adrenaline coursing through my veins ignites me. I weave my fingers through his red hair and tug on the strands. His hands find my hips and pull me closer. I’m ready to straddle him on this park bench, but I’m afraid I’ll end up not being allowed around schools because of public indecency.

  I don’t know where the sound comes from, but a moan climbs up the back of my throat and pours out from between my lips. Every nerve in my body is dancing with excitement as the fire of arousal crawls through my veins, slow and steady.

  We pull apart and his mouth pulls into a sexy smirk and his eyes are vibrant. “Did you know eighty percent of women believe the first kiss tells them everything they need to know about a relationship?” I shake my head. “What do you think that kiss said about our future?”

  “I think,” I wait, letting him suffer a little, “we’re going to have a long and perfect relationship.”

  “Really? I didn’t get that.” He laughs and I smack him. “Kidding. I hope you’ll go on another date with me.” I nod because I’d be an idiot if I didn’t. “Now the moment is perfect.”

  I chuckle. I’m happy, happier than I’d ever been before.

  We kiss once more before walking back to his car, hand in hand. This night was everything I’d hoped for and more.

  Four

  Carson

  Come Monday, Maddox and I are walking to class together and meeting up for lunch. We’re inseparable and by the end of the week, we’re officially dating. My first boyfriend, and damn, did I hit the boyfriend lottery.

  As the weeks pass, we study together and spend every spare moment together. I have enough fun facts now stored in my brain to be the most entertaining party guest wherever I go.

  My parents love him and, coming as a shock to everyone, he’s won over Lucas. Flynn is a little harder to wrangle, but I can’t hold that against him. I haven’t won over Flynn and she’s my little sister.

  “What are you and Maddox doing this weekend?” My mom asks.

  Finals are around the corner, so we’ve been holed up in the library all week studying. Since it’s a Friday night, I was hoping to study at home tonight.

  “He’s going to come over so we can study together, if that’s alright with you and Dad?”

  “Of course it is, sweetie. Do you want me to get you any study snacks? Or I could steal your brother’s weed and you could use that to chill out.” My jaw drops and a laugh comes out.

  “You know about his pot stash?”

  “He doesn’t exactly try to hide it. Plus, he comes home every night smelling like a pound of cologne. I’m not an idiot.”

  She’s not, but my brother is.

  An hour later, my boyfriend knocks on the door with a large bag of gummy bears in hand. “It’s a study technique. You read a certain amount and reward yourself with a gummy.”

  “I thought I could reward myself with a kiss instead.” I lean in as my mom just so happens to clear her throat behind us.

  “Sorry, Mom. We’ll go downstairs to study.” Our basement is finished and I know there’s no way in hell she’d allow us to be up in my room anyway. She thinks it would be a bad influence for my younger siblings, as if they need any help getting into trouble.

  After setting up downstairs, we study for approximately five minutes before it turns into a make-out session. We haven’t gone any further yet, and since it would be my first time, I want it to mean something. I know it’s a cliché, but just because I’m living in a hook-up culture doesn’t mean I can’t want something different.

  “My parents are right upstairs.”

  His hand is inching toward my breast, testing the waters, which are ice-cold and halting.

  “I’m not doing a striptease or saying we should have sex right now. I can’t help myself.” He kisses my neck and I tilt my head to give him better access.

  “Maddox.” At my tone he stops and pulls back, looking at me as concern pools in his brown eyes. “Have you, um, I mean…I haven’t, you know, done this…before.” I turn my head away so he can’t see my eyes.

  I don’t know why I’m embarrassed. It shouldn’t matter that I haven’t slept with anyone before, and yet there’s a hint of fear burying itself under my skin. What if that makes him not want me? Maybe he wants someone more experienced, someone that isn’t a prude.

  “Baby, I don’t want you to ever feel pressured. We can wait until the end of time, because I’m not in any rush. We just started dating. I don’t expect you to jump into bed with me. I’m not like that.” I search his eyes, but all I find is honesty.

  “You’re too good to be true.” A classic frat boy smile forms on his lips.

  “You ain’t seen nothin’ yet.” He kisses me again and I let him. Soon I’ll give him every part of me. There’s no one else I’d rather experience every part of life with.

  ҉ ҉ ҉

  I’m meeting his parents. After two months of dating, I’m finally experiencing the dreaded staple in every relationship. What if they hate me and don’t want me dating their son? He is their only child, after all.

  Maddox lives on campus, but he’s a North Carolina local. He told me he wanted the freedom that living in a dorm provides as opposed to living at home. Seeing as I have a teenage brother who revels in his privacy, I get it. I just personally wanted to stay closer to my family.

  We’re in the car, headed toward his parents’ house when the word vomit spills from my lips.

  “Is my outfit okay? Should I have changed?” My mom insisted on a blue three quarter sleeve t-shirt dress because it’s conservative and it brings out my eyes. I have ankle boots on which give me a slight heel but don’t make me look like a lady of the night.

  “You look beautiful, baby.” His hand rests on my knee just under where my dress ends.

  “Should I have worn pants instead? Will they think I’m a slut for wearing a skirt? What if they think I’m lazy because I couldn’t manage to pair up two articles of clothing so I took the easy way out with this dress? Oh, my God.” I admit I’m panicking, but this is all new territory for me. I tug on the strands of my curled, raven hair, a nervous habit I can’t seem to break until Maddox stops me.

  “You look incredible. My parents will love you whether you wear a dress or a parka or a trash bag. Stop fidgeting and relax. I promise you, it will be okay.” He takes my hand and kisses the back of it. “Besides, there’s no time to change. We’re here.”

  We pull up to a modest brick home with blue shutters and a two car garage. I carry the flowers and box of chocolates up to the double French doors, almost dropping them both with how my hands are shaking.

  Mrs. Ryan opens the door in a maroon wrap dress with tan heels, flawlessly styled auburn hair matching her sons, and a smile wider than I thought possible.

  “You must be Carson. I’ve heard so much about you and you’re as gorgeous as my son said. Please, come in.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Ryan. It’s lovely to meet you. You have a beautiful home.” She pulls me in for a hug as her husband rounds the corner
wearing a suit.

  “Please, call me Melanie and this is my husband, Scott.” I politely smile at her husband as she pulls her son in for a hug. “Maddox, why did you keep her from us for so long?” Melanie then holds him at arm’s length, as if he’s studying him for a single hair being out of place.

  We small talk while dinner finishes and I offer to help, which his parents decline. As we sit around the dining room table, Maddox’s mom says grace.

  “Thank you for the food we are about to consume and the money to keep eating and living. Thank you for another day with our beautiful son and for this gift of life. Amen.” His parents regard him as if he’s breakable and I couldn’t be more confused. Then again, I have two siblings to share my parents’ affection with, so maybe it’s an only child thing.

  “How are you doing, sweetheart? How are you feeling?” I tilt my head and silently question what his mother means. Maddox did miss a couple classes a few weeks ago from a cold, so she’s probably just wondering if he’s better.

  Maddox clears his throat and there’s a subtle shift of his head from side to side, but I don’t think anything of it. “I’m good, mom.” His voice is strained and Mrs. Ryan’s eyes widen for a millisecond before returning to normal.

  “So, Carson, what did you say your major was?” We small talk about school and my family. They get a kick out of hearing about Lucas and his current tendencies, reminiscing about their own son’s behavior.

  After dinner, Maddox takes me on a tour of his house, but my favorite part is his bedroom. There’s a desk in the corner with a desktop computer. A plaid comforter covers his queen-size bed facing a television. The nightstand—which, of course, I had to open—holds condoms and old Playboy magazines.

  “I lost my virginity after prom in my bed.” I stare at the comforter feeling far from comfortable. “I don’t want to lie to you. I’ve had sex before and it did mean something. I didn’t think we had time…” He cuts himself off and clears his throat. “She was my high school sweetheart and it was after prom. It was only the one time and I don’t regret it, but I needed you to know.” I appreciate his honesty, but I still have to swallow over the newly formed lump in my throat.